Gestures of Giving

Old friend whose eyes
I suddenly see again
Looking at me
How long have I been avoiding you?

Like the skinny kid next door
Who always made a lot of noise
Trying to be noticed

When I looked at him fully

Catching his attention

And our eyes met

I saw the quieting in his chest

The feel of his Mother touching him

Stroking him like she never did
Making his whole body softer
Just with the praise of her loving

And I can feel the weight of this knowing like a vow
That I always know when I break

But even then I still remember you
Old friend

With your face banged and chastened by age
Hiding behind carefully applied make-up

Smiling at me
Looking deeply
Holding me with your attention
Stroking me with recognition

The terrible hurt bursts open
And releases
We feel again in our bellies

Like a heavy weight finally set down

We have done what we came here to do

Everything grows and changes

And

Even my hands make gestures of giving

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