"The man who ignores the poetry of sex . . . finds the bare facts written up on the walls of a privy,

or is himself compelled to write them there.

-Yeats

Sometimes virtue appears as sin and sometimes sin appears as virtue.

Only the wise know the difference

-Vyasa

"Tell us truthfully you noble men, which we ought to attend upon-

The sloping sides of wilderness mountains? Or, the buttocks of women abounding with passion?

-Bhartrahari

Erotic Stories

Sexuality lives in the ‘shadow’ of our Western culture

What I mean by 'shadow' 

is something that has been repressed or denied

and thus fallen into the 'shadow' of what we experience 

‘How can this be with sex?’  one might ask.

‘Is not sexuality everywhere?’

Yes, but how could this be?

Carl Jung once said

“When a thing is repressed or denied, it happens outwardly as fate”

Our culture is a grand example of just that;

repressed sexuality is

now happening outwardly as 'fate'

The erotic now shows its presence everywhere

in a near limitless exhibition

Look at the endless magazines with their erotic ads

Look at how a sex scandal grabs the headlines and attention of our culture

even more than a war

Look at the fantastic 'success' of porn on the internet

Even the selling of a car or a tire in America

might have a sexily clad woman associated with the product

(One of the criticisms from many in the Muslim world

that we in the West treat women

as sexual objects

and as a sexual commodity

Not

as something or someone

to be protected and cherished by the culture.

Of course, one can find abuse of women in many Muslim cultures as well.).

Sex is right out in front of each of us in the West

out in 'front' of everyone

but still

I suggest that

sex lies in the 'shadow'

Sex is not well 'considered'

it is not really taught in our schools

investigated thoroughly as a phenomenon

discussed in our families

or even amongst friends

And,

Even when sex is considered

and given image and expression,

it is taken out of the greater 'context' of

the great Wisdom traditions of the world

traditions that have looked at sex

thoroughly, completely

without any false prudery or sensitivity

In the West, there is very little

commonly known of the history

of the

expressions of sexuality

There is very little of a wisdom tradition

surrounding sexuality at all

in our modern day 'outlands'

of industrial and post industrial culture

Just as, repressed sexuality

'happens outwardly as fate' 

It is also true that

when something

that has been repressed

finally does comes out,

it shows all the signs of something that was unloved-

like a child uncared for

unschooled

undeveloped

unsophisticated

like a garden untended

I have noticed that the expression of something that was repressed

first bursts forth in a wild

uncultured, immature and reactive way

lacking in refinement

unconnected to the rest of life

because

like anything repressed

you don't have 'it'

'it' has you

and 'it' will have its own way with you

driving you to do things as if 'you' were asleep at the wheel

We see it in the sexual scandals that have plagued the Catholic church

We see it in the erotic indulgences (now made public) that have plagued the many congressional lawmakers

We see it comes from hypocrites and people who have repressed themselves and told others to do so as well

We observe it in those who have tried hard to not indulge

We see it in all sorts and 'unsuspected' types and individuals

We see it in ourselves

We see it in the adolescent acting out of all ages

in the exaggerated sexual theatre of dress and style

of the young hipsters

or many celebrities

This is the results of repression

now masquerading as freedom

But, it is only reaction

It has come out of the shadow

We can even see sexuality repressed

amongst the so-called heterosexual straights

going

hand and hand

showing the repression of the erotic altogether

And

in the less dramatic, in the more reserved,

in those less driven to the body's sensual pleasure

Here we see

true love denied

and instead

find the

expressions

of romance and sentimentality

which permeate our culture

masquerading as love

I found myself feeling into what is erotic,

or

'looking' at sex since I was a young boy

I was very attracted to girls

But

this attraction

my sexuality

(as well as sexuality itself)

was not 'considered' by any adult with me

No one gave me any wisdom or insight into sex

or eros

or girls

or women

or how this heightened feeling of eros always passes

coming and going with attention

No one taught me

what to make of it

whatsoever

No one told me

what to do with it

how to 'do' it

how they did it

how others did it

when to do it

whether to 'do' it at all

or why

what 'it' was about

It was an unexamined mystery

-how women were different than men

-how men were different than women

No one sung me the stories

of how the dance was done or had been done

Sex was the elephant in the room that no one ever spoke of

But

girls were attractive to me

and sex

and everything about it

was mysterious

and beckened

with the allure of a great and delicious secret

Eventually

after many years

of repression

seeking to become religious and trying to be sexless

I had the growing sense that came with maturity

that I would need to go on denying sex forever

and I felt that this could not and should not be done

Finally

Purposefully

I gave in

to this 'overwhelming' force of life

and

let go

After all

what else could I do

I saw around me that no one had 'solved' the issue

none of my friends had done so

No one I saw in the media

Sex was not just about me

and my desires

it seemed to come from outside myself

I did not bring it on

it arose all by itself

my desire

was mysterious in its origin

Perhaps it was Divine

and so

following paths of desire

I took a journey

just like someone would go to a foreign country

or climb a mountain

or explore a wilderness

or raft a river

and

I traveled to the 'exotic' areas of sexuality

that were rare and not often explored

even by those who were

OK with sex in general.

I visited

areas that our general culture

had completely repressed and denied

I had nights of sublime pleasure

enjoying the look and feel and smell and play

of a beautiful woman who loved me

showering me with a thousand and one delights

and moods

in all of which I poured out praise upon her

in a night that went on until the dawn showed itself in the sky

and even our exhaustion was pleasurable

Many wonderful nights of delight I passed in this way

How beautiful it all was

I am filled with gratitude for all those I loved

and who loved me

And even so

all of my exploration and adventures

were

lived in the sexual 'shadow'

of the culture I lived in

After a youth in which I not only avoided sexuality

but had tried to become a monk,

eventually

like an arrow drawn back on a bow

with great force

my repressed desiring was released

as it always must be

and

I went forth

and bathed with great intention

and

purposefully

in those sexually alluring waters of eros

to see if my eyes would be cleansed

or blinded

to feel if my heart would be healed

or hurt

to know if it all would be finally resolved

or suffered endlessly

I knew no other way to go

I had tried to be a monk

but

I had attained no final ease or realization

with the ways, teachers and teachings of repression

Having left that path

and

having few boundaries that I still respected

as good or necessary

(for I had seen too many failures and hypocrites, myself among them)

and having

little wisdom in this field

from experience or story or learning

There was simply no great authority I recognized

So

I went and made my many 'mistakes'

the best and time honored way to learn

I did not know what to expect

I went to worlds that few had reported back from

at least the few that I knew

Certainly no one with a background in religious studies

someone who was seeking 'God'

someone who came from 'good' parents

No one I knew had left signs of their passage where I now travelled

I went into sex enthusiastically

intentionally

unafraid of any of it or all of it

It was a grand adventure

I let loose of all that I was holding onto

and fell

Here are some stories of my 'falling' into the pool

of the erotic world

They represent only a small consideration

a few

of the many I hope to one day share

Perhaps

I can shine some light on this area of life by telling these tales

a light that was never given to me as a young man

and with the help of the metaphors of the erotic

look more clearly

at the eternal questions and mysteries of life

that can show themselves uniquely in the erotic

Perhaps I can give to a young person some useful information

some ancient questions

some obvious permissions

some wonderful wisdom

even if I tell only of the mistakes that I made

I discovered at the very least

a wisdom of errors

that was never given to me

A story can sometimes enrich

the experiences

we have already had

In this way

a story can even change our past

When I let go

I saw

that many had 'fallen' this way before

I was certainly not the first

But, now

I have experienced my own dilemmas

I have lived out the paradoxes

I have reached the dead ends

and

come to my own conclusions about it all

And

what I felt and thought

seems more rare

than I suspected

Certainly

We must each make up our minds

and clarify our hearts

but

we must have the experience

and

to do that well and truly

we must have a good story

deep understanding and wisdom

to go with our experience

Both are needed

like the two wings that a bird needs

to fly

I am thankful that my study of religion

and the religious traditions of the world

has given me many wonderful stories and much understanding

to bring to the

bed of my experiences

I am thankful for the great Teachers and Teacher I have found

Many of those who sought for God or happiness

wrestled with sexuality

and then told about it

But

They all do not have the same lesson to teach

After my exploration of the erotic

I feel and believe

it does not matter

if one indulges or does not

if one is straight or gay

kinky or normal

exotic or local

It does not matter at all

not in the least

it does not make THE

difference

One way

or any of the other ways

(and there are many)

'Truth' is not found in sex

'Truth' is not found in the erotic

and

'Truth' is not found apart from them

either

The importance of having explored and done a thing

is that it no longer has the same forbidden fascination

it has become part of myself

and

It no longer promises anything that I have not already tasted

(although the wide open field of possibilites never goes away)

it does not, like any experience whatsoever

bring Happiness or Liberation

I know that better now

and only

from the dead ends of my own experience

Like everything else in my life

sex has been wonderful and painful

delightful and depressing

ecstatic and sad

Perhaps

I have even found that I am not 'sexual'

In the depth of being

Here

I seem to be neither man nor woman

and in that depth I am oriented

more and more to devotion

Ultimately

all of this has been another way

to consider

God

or

the mystery

in which we live

"Sex is a key to doorways of knowing.

For me it has been a yoga through which new qualities of self have evolved.

I have spent all my conscious life since the age of eight mixing elements in the crucible of sex

sifting enormous amounts of material to produce a few grams of pure substance

I have perhaps delved as deeply into eroticism as any human being

After completing the entire route

I find it was all simply a doorway to devotion"

                   -Marco Ferdinand William Vasquez-d'Acugno Vassi

My Girlfriend is a Prostitute (audio)

This is a poem about a real incident in my life that reflects on who she was, what she did and what I felt about it

Bhartrahari- Erotic Poetry of Ancient India (audio)udio)

Bhartrahari was the great Indian poet, king and sensual admirer and lover of women.
He was torn between his love and attraction to women and his desire for spiritual liberation.
This is a short introduction to his life and a small taste of his poetry.

Wandering in the Garden of Desire (audio)

A free Rendering from the Bhagavatam Purana by AdiDa Samraj.
It is an exquisite teaching on sex and desire,
told from the point of view of one the great spiritual texts of ancient India

Erotic Irony (audio)

An encounter in which the dilemma and paradox of my own erotic desire was confronted.
I met a girl who was not who she seemed to be and I became who I did not seem to be either.
We entered the world of erotic irony.
"I am that force that would do evil, yet forever works for the good."
- Mephistopheles/ Goethe's Faust

All Acts of Pleasure are my Rituals

Between the Worlds

I had attended a gathering of male dominant-female submissive men and women with my 'submissive' girlfriend.
I reflect on the different qualties of eros represented by Dionysus and Bacchus.

The Philosopher and the Prostitute

A Bed of Deeper Pleasure (audio)

What Baptism do you bring?(audio)