"The man who ignores the poetry of sex . . . finds the bare facts written up on the walls of a privy,
or is himself compelled to write them there.
-Yeats
Sometimes virtue appears as sin and sometimes sin appears as virtue.
Only the wise know the difference
-Vyasa
Erotic Stories
Sexuality lives in the ‘shadow’ of our Western culture
What I mean by 'shadow'
is something that has been repressed or denied
and thus fallen into the 'shadow' of what we experience
‘How can this be with sex?’ one might ask.
‘Is not sexuality everywhere?’
Yes, but
as Carl Jung once said
“When a thing is repressed or denied, it happens outwardly as fate”
Our culture is a grand example of just that;
sexuality happening outwardly as 'fate'
The erotic now shows its presence everywhere
in a near limitless exhibition
Look at the endless magazines with their erotic ads
Look at how a sex scandal grabs the headlines and attention of our culture
even more than a war
Look at the fantastic 'success' of porn on the internet
Even the selling of a car or a tire
can have a sexily clad woman associated with the product
(It is one of the criticisms from the Muslim world
that we in the West treat women
as sexual objects
and as a sexual commodity
Not
as something or someone
to be protected and cherished by the culture).
Sex is right out in front of each of us in the west
out in 'front' of everyone
but still
even so
sex lies in the 'shadow'
It is not well 'considered'
it is not really taught in our schools
investigated as a phenomenon
discussed in our families
or even amongst friends
Even when sex is considered
and given image and expression
it is taken out of the greater 'context' of
the great wisdom traditions of the world
tradtions that have looked at sex
thoroughly, completely
without any false prudery or sensitivity
There is very little
commonly known of the history
of the
expressions of sexuality in the west
There is very little of a wisdom tradition
surrounding sexuality at all
that we know of here in the modern day outlands
of industrial and post industrial culture
Just as, repressed sexuality
'happens outwardly as fate'
It is also true that
when something
that has been repressed
and
then comes out,
it shows all the signs of something unloved
like a child uncared for
unschooled
undeveloped
unsophisticated
a garden untended
I have noticed that the expressions of something that is repressed
come forth in a wild
uncultured, immature and reactive way
lacking in refinement
unconnected to the rest of life
because
like anything repressed
you don't have 'it'
'it' has you
and it will have its own way with you
driving you to do things as if 'you' were asleep at the wheel
We see it in the sexual scandals that have plagued the Catholic church
We see it in the sexual scandals that have plagued many congressional lawmakers
in hypocrites and people who have tried hard to not indulge
in all sorts and unsuspected types and individuals
We see it in the adolescent acting out of all ages
in the exaggerated sexual theatre of dress and style
of the young hipsters
or many celebrities
this is a result of repression
masquerading as freedom
We see sexuality repressed
amongst the so-called straights
going
hand and hand
with the repression of the erotic
And
in those less driven to the body's pleasure
we still see
true love denied
and instead find
expressions
of mere romance and sentimentality
both of which permeate our culture
I found myself feeling eros,
or
'looking' at sex since I was a young boy
I was very attracted to girls
But
this attraction
my sexuality
sexuality itself
was not 'considered' by any adult with me
No one gave me any wisdom or insight into sex
or eros
or girls
or how it passes and
what to make of it
whatsoever
No one told me
how to 'do' it
how they did it
whether to 'do' it
or
what 'it' was about
It was an unexamined mystery
how women were different than men
how men were different than women
how to do the
'dance' of sex
or
stories
of how the dance had been done
Sex was the elephant in the room that no one ever spoke of
But
girls were attractive to me
and sex
and everything about it
was mysterious
and seemed to beckon to me
with the allure of a great and delicious secret
Eventually
after many years
of repression
seeking to become religious and sexless
and the growing sense that I would need to go on denying it forever
I gave in
to this overwhelming force of life
and
let go
After all
what else could I do
sex seemed to come from outside myself
I did not bring it on
it arose all by itself
my desire
was mysterious in its origin
even to me
and so
following paths of desire
I took a journey
just like someone would go to a foreign country
and traveled to the more 'exotic' areas of sexuality
that were rare and not often explored
even by those who were
OK with sex in general
areas that our general culture
had completely repressed and denied
All of my exploration and adventures
seemed to me
to be in the 'shadow'
of the culture I lived in
After a youth in which I not only avoided sexuality
but had tried to become a monk
eventually
like an arrow drawn back on a bow
with great force
my repressed desiring was released
and
I went forth with it
and bathed with great intention
and
purposefully in those sexually alluring waters of eros
to find if my eyes would be cleansed
or blinded
to feel if my heart would be healed
or hurt
to know if it all would be finally resolved
or suffered endlessly
I knew no other way to go
For many years
I had tried to be a monk
but
I had attained no final ease
with the ways, teachers and teachings of repression
Having left that path
and
having few boundaries that I still respected
as necessary
for I had seen many failures and hypocrisies
and little wisdom from experience or story or learning
for there was no great authority I had found
I went and made many 'mistakes'
the best way to learn
I did not know what to expect
I went to worlds that few had gone to
at least few that I knew
certainly no one with a background in religious studies
someone who was seeking 'God'
someone who came from 'good' parents
I went into sex enthusiastically
intentionally
unafraid of any of it
I let loose of all that I was holding onto
and fell
Here are some stories of my 'falling' into the pool
of the erotic world
They represent only a few small considerations
a few
of the many I hope to share
Perhaps
I can shine some light on this area of life by telling these tales
a light that was never given to me as a young man
and with the help of the metaphors of the erotic
look more clearly
at the eternal questions and mysteries of life
that show themselves in the erotic
Perhaps I can give to a young person some new noticings
some ancient questions
some obvious permissions
some wonderful wisdom
even if only mistakes made
that was never given to me
Perhaps I can offer a story that gives more
to the experences
that many of us have already had
When I let go
I saw
that many had 'fallen' this way before
I was certainly not the first
But
I have come to my own conclusions about it all
what I felt and thought
is more rare
than I suspected
Certainly
We must each make up our minds
and clarify our hearts
but
to do that
we must have had the experience
and
we must have good story
understanding and wisdom
to go with our experience
Both are needed
like the two wings that a bird needs
to fly
I am thankful that my study of religion
and the religious traditions of the world
gave me many wonderful stories
to bring to the
bed of my experiences
I am thankful for the great Teacher I have found
Many of those who sought out God
wrestled with sexuality
and then told about it
They all did not have the same lesson to teach
So, what I have come to?
After my exploration of the erotic
I feel and believe
it does not matter
if one indulges or does not
if one is straight or gay
kinky or normal
exotic or local
It does not matter at all
not in the least
it does not make the
difference
One way
or any of the other ways
(and there are many)
'Truth' is not found in sex
'Truth' is not found in the erotic
and
'Truth' is not found apart from them
either
The importance of having explored and done it
is that it no longer has the same forbidden fascination
It no longer promises anything that I have not already tasted
I know better
from experience
Like everything else in my life
sex has been wonderful and painful
delightful and depressing
ecstatic and sad
Ultimately
it is just
another way to consider
God
or
the mystery
in which we live
"Sex is a key to doorways of knowing.
For me it has been a yoga through which new qualities of self have evolved.
I have spent all my conscious life since the age of eight mixing elements in the crucible of sex
sifting enormous amounts of material to produce a few grams of pure substance
I have perhaps delved as deeply into eroticism as any human being
After completing the entire route
I find it was all simply a doorway to devotion"
-Marco Ferdinand William Vasquez-d'Acugno Vassi
All Acts of Pleasure are my Rituals